First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
