Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize