mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
