Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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