Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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