Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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