for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
