the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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