Cold hands, warm shart.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
