"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
