Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
