8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
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I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
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Happy birthday, you long dick monster
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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