Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
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First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
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I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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