yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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