And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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