I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
