Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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