That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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