Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
