my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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