so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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