Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
