her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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