somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
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i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
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Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
whose parrot is this?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
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