Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
