Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
