we have pet lesbian snakes
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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