I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
