He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
