maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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