Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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