areolas are like halos for boobs.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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