I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
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This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
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oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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