Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
