He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Terrible idea I love it
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
