Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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