I skipped work to stalk him.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
