She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
