she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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