is your mom at the bar?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
