so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
