apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
