I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
