The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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