I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
