i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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