i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
