hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
