So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
