you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Boobs speak an international language.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
