I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
