My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
