His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
