Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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