My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
