he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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