Please, let me fuck your mom
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
