and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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