Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
