I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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