i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
