he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
