I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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