I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
