it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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